The Undeserving Deserve

This morning I came across Job 5:11. It says, "he sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety." WHAT A REFRESHING THING TO READ! The longer I intentionally walk with the Lord, the more I come to realize that he is so good, at any time, at all times. I think most people, including myself, tend to believe the lie that we are unworthy of God's love because of mistakes made and the amount of sin they have either committed or have ongoing in their life. It is pretty discouraging when you feel resentful and cannot feel God's presence. Straight up lemme tell ya my take on that... 1.) That is satan trying to trick us & 2.) The bible never EVER says that we are not worthy. 3.) He is there even when we can't feel it. It is difficult and seemingly impossible to understand how immense God's love is for us. It is easy to think that we deserve less-than because of the way that we were brought up, the way we look, money, or even comparison to the way other's lives play out. It is super easy to settle, sugar coat & justify what we know isn't okay, and believe that we deserve less than what our best is because it seems unrealistic or too far beyond our reach- I know that I have thought this and still struggle with these thoughts! The thought of someone endlessly forgiving you and giving you more than you deserve is a pretty unfathomable thought. I could run in circles talking about how good God is and how much he loves us and how crazy I think that all of it is. I feel like most of my posts are my reiterating the same things, but in all honesty, when talking about God and the Bible, it all leads back to God's love. I feel called to say that the only way to dive into a life with Jesus is to surrender and commit! Starting a relationship with Jesus and being intentional with it is not easy, but he never called us to live an easy or comfortable life. My most recent accomplishment I have made spiritually is realizing that God can make us new not just one time, but as many times as we need. Regardless of how many sins we have, how bad we mess up, or have off track we get in the way God has called us to live, he is still going to love us. (of course we shouldn't milk this and take advantage of it- but i think you pickup what I am putting down). This leads back to grace. His grace for us is crazy-big and he is never EVER going to drop us. In fact, when we seek and reach out to the Lord, he not only takes care of us and holds us gently, he blesses us in a way that we could not be blessed by anything else. Having a relationship with Jesus allows for believers to have God-sized dreams, not just human-sized dreams, which is pretty much the coolest thing i've ever heard. The thing that is most heavy on my heart and really the purpose of me writing this post is that regardless of who you are, where you are, and what you're doing, you ARE worthy! You are just as deserving as the most Godly person on this planet. God sees you the with the same loving and forgiving eyes that he sees one of his most faithful disciples. For the time we live on the left side of eternity, the best way to live is knowing we are loved & worthy in the midst of an unloving world. Strive for feeling and living loved this week! xoxo

Kailey J



A few weekends ago my parents flew into Fayetteville for my sorority's “Mom’s Weekend.” It was so exciting to have them in town, show them my favorite spots, and celebrate my bdayyyy!! wut wut!! The last time we had all been in Arkansas together was when they dropped me off at the beginning of the semester #nostalgic. The night before my Mom and Dad left to go home, I decided to take them to the movies to see the movie La La Land. My parents don’t go to the movies a lot, and really haven’t seen too many recent movies, so to say the least, I was absolutely PUMPED that I was going to get to watch the movie that I am so in love with them. I think that La La Land is possibly one of the most beautiful storylines/pieces ever created. I recommend you watching it 100%. Anyways, we walked into the theater, and SHOOT lemme tell ya… for Fay being considered a pretty small town, the theater was packed!! Unfortunately, we ended up not being able to see La La Land because the tickets were sold out. Mhmmm. I was pretty disappointed because I had really hyped up the movie and knew that none other could match the emotion, beauty, and message that La La Land would have had on my parents (or that I had told them it would lol). This is literally becoming an entire essay about me going to the movies with my parents and not getting tickets to the movie I wanted to see… hahah Long story short, I settled for less, and we got tickets to see the movie, “A Dogs Purpose.” This was a stretch. Hate on me, despise me, call me strange...

I am such a cat person.

I love cats, have cat shirts, cat accessories, and will literally find any reason I can to bring stray cats home. I grew up having kitties and have always had much more of a connection with them, hence why we have 7 cats at my house. (we live on land and they live outside, so I promise I don't live in the midst of a furball. Our orange cat Frisco is an exception to the "no cats inside" rule.. or in my Dad's words, "No farm animals in the house.". Frisker lives inside most of the time because he's my Dad's favorite and he gets special treatment - aka his own water bowl, riding in the truck to get the mail, and getting canned cat food in secret so the other cats don't see) – I am starting to sound like a crazy cat lady now, and this is honestly really irrelevant to the point that I am eventually going to aim at getting across, so I am going to stop right there. Now that you know my obsession for cats, we'll bridge to speak of the other creature that falls in the household pet category - dogs. I have three dogs, and they're sweet and they're my babies. Now that you are fully informed of my thoughts on La La Land and Frisco's lifestyle habits, I think it's best if I go ahead and transition us into the meat of what I told myself I would talk about in this post. (Lord help me stay on task.)

I went into seeing the movie "A Dog's Purpose" with a pretty closed heart and mind, but by the end of the movie my whole family was in tears and I had made the decision that when I live in a place with a backyard, I will get a Corgi named Pancake. Basically, without completely spoiling it, I am going to give a brief summary of the movie and explain my thoughts and the impact it had on me besides wanting to adopt a new pet and name it after food. #typical

The main plot of the movie, "A Dog's Purpose" is the story of a dog who goes through five reincarnations as different dogs. He is seeking "a dog's purpose in life" in his different reincarnations. In his first incarnation, he is a mutt named Toby; in his second reincarnation, he is a Golden Retriever named Bailey; in his third reincarnation, he is a female dog with the name of Ellie; in his fourth reincarnation, he is a Corgi named Tino; and in the last reincarnation, he is a Saint Bernard named Buddy. While the dog is in his first form, he is mistreated, neglected, and basically abandoned. The dog becomes closest and finds his identity in his second owner when he is the Golden Retriever named Bailey. He has a special relationship with this owner. His owner raises him from the time he is a little boy and from the time that Bailey is a young puppy until the owner goes to college.  Each incarnation teaches the dog about himself by him facing different trials and obstacles, as well as having different owners. Throughout the movie, the dog loves each of his owners, although he still has a special connection with his owner who raised him when he was a golden retriever. The dog reverts back to this owner, comparing him to his current owners, but can't seem to find his way back to the one he has a true relationship and love for, and ultimately, the owner has mutual feelings the dog has for him. At the end of the movie, Buddy, a mutt (who still has the same soul as the original dog) returns to his previous owner who I mentioned earlier, (the one who had raised him when he was a golden retriever). This was the owner that ultimately loved him the most out of all of the other owners he had, and was the one who had brought him up as the dog he was meant to be. The owner is now an old man, but he recognizes the dog, even though he is now a different breed, with a different name. He sees the character and heart of the dog and the movie ends with the owner and a few other things that were once uneasy, at peace, and reunited. Wow. True beauty right there folks. 

Now why on the planet earth did I just tell you a summary of the movie and possibly spoil every beautiful part for you? I think this is an absolutely perfect parallel to modern day Christianity. As humans, we generally go through things that break and challenge us. We eventually find something to lean on (hopefully God). Due to whatever makes us hurt and leaves us feeling empty, we automatically look to something that will fill that emptiness and make us happy. We go through different seasons in our lives that teach us things about ourselves. This is just like what happens in the movie. The dog is at first, is a puppy. There is a special innocence and youth about the dog when he is young that is fresh and new. He hasn't learned anything yet, made mistakes, and he is super silly. As children, we are pure, playful, haven't learned a lot, and have parents or a guardian who help us out and makes a lot of decisions for us. We eventually grow out of this stage and begin to make our own decision and become our own person. Eventually, most people go through a turning point in their life in which something detrimental and "life changing" happens. Life events often leave us feeling unloved, neglected, treated unfairly, or abandoned. We even become enslaved to certain things and put things as a priority, that in reality, shouldn't be important in our lives at all. This is how the dog is underneath the ownership of his first owner. He goes through this stage of feeling unloved and enslaved to his owner, but eventually, he enters a new season of life where he is rescued and realizes his worth (or potential worth). The dog gets rescued by his second owner. This owner loves him dearly, cherishes him, understands him. Regardless of how many times he embarrasses the family he lives with by eating prized possessions or tearing up the house, his owner loves him unconditionally. This relates to us because after we are lost or broken, we turn to something that fills us. Something steps into our lives that fills the void of the feelings that we were previously having, and it satisfies us. In a Christian's life, this is usually where we begin our walk with Christ. We grow with God at first, and get on a "Jesus High" type of feeling. We realize that we are meant for something better than the previous life we had lived. This is a beautiful breakthrough for us. We learn that God forgives us regardless of the mistakes we've made. As our walk with God continues, we go through things that either bring us closer to God, or lead us away from God, depending on how we handle each situation. After the dog is owned by his second owner he reincarnates into different dogs, changing, learning, facing obstacles, and going through different seasons of life. The dog misses his second owner, but doesn't know how to find his way back to him, and feels like it is almost impossible. We get like this too. After starting our relationship with Christ, things aren't perfect, nor will they ever be. We go/will go through things throughout our lives that will challenge what we believe and determine where our relationship with God goes. God reveals to us our passions and purpose. Sometimes we don't continue a super steady walk with God and we get off track and make mistakes again, and sometimes, in a sense, become unrecognizable with the person we have become. At the end of movie the dog returns to the owner that truly loved him, and the owner recognizes him. This is us. We will hopefully find our way back with God, if we aren't with him already. He still sees us as the innocent puppy or the pure heart that we were created with. When we return to God, or while we walk with God, he is always there, whether we can fill his presence or not. We are at our happiest and feel the most content when we are walking with him and in a relationship with him. 

My prayer for this week is that if you are feeling lost in your walk with God, or have never started a relationship with him, that you pray for yourself and ask him to make himself known.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

xoxo, kailey

A World of Weakness

Friends!!! Hi!!! So first off, I want to address to you that this section of my blog has slowly emerged into stories about my walk with Jesus and thoughts on faith. As my faith grows, I realize how heavily my heart is set towards certain things and I get excited to share those things with others! I stand firm in my belief in Christ, and I don't want this portion of my blog to be found as preachy, especially because I am so aware that I am a sinner and no where near perfect. In fact, everything that I put on here, is stuff that I have to preach to myself each day. My goal is for anyone who reads this to feel inspired, connected, and know that whether you believe in the Lord or not, you are so loved and accepted, and that there is a life full of eternal, fulfilling, and everlasting love out there waiting for you!

Recently, I have found myself falling short of seeing my worth and how Christ would want me to view myself. I have always been a pretty confident person, but lately I find myself comparing myself to others and feeling less than, in literally the smallest of things, it's actually ridiculous and 100% unnecessary thinking! I am absolutely a perfectionist, and so trying super hard to be the best at everything I can be good at is no question for me. I tend to do just about everything with full force and often run myself down because I want to squeeze everything in, and make sure I don't miss out on any opportunity. Wellllllll, this is a great trait to have... BUT, with our good traits as people, we have a cruel, manipulating, devil that will do anything he can to get us to a point of weakness and use our best qualities (and not so best) to find a way to sneak in and take advantage. Say wha? Okay ya, tbh I type stuff out and I read it back sometimes and i'm like, what on the planet does that mean? Um yea, so sorry if that's confusing, but I hope ya get the point.

As people, we are sinners. We all have mistakes, insecurities, convictions, dishonesty, and the list could go on and on about the flaws each of us have. We struggle with things, sometimes big stuff, sometimes tiny stuff. It's all there, in each person. As girls, we constantly seem to compare ourselves to others and always want something we don't have. We are jealous when people have cool stuff, take vacations to crazy places, have a lot of friends, get into a better college, have boyfriends while we are single, and the list could go on and on with the things we are jealous of too. Now why is this relevant one may I ask? Welp, I am here to lay down da TROOF that the bible speaks about all of this junk!  

I grabbed coffee with a girl the other day from my church and we shared some stuff about ourselves and as I began to share, hearing myself speak out loud, I started to realize a lot about myself. In comparison to first semester, the stuff I struggle with now is much smaller thanks to Christ. I officially started walking VERY intently with God this New Year (2017) - HALLAAAA. (I grew up in the church, but didn't truly have a relationship with Christ...that's a whole different story though, ya dig?) Before around new years and the beginning of this semester, I was lost, really questioned what was right and wrong and what was morally okay, and overall if the truth of Jesus and being a Christian was really as life giving and freeing as people in the church say it is. This is something I could talk about for ever, because life transformation is SO real and God is SO stinkin' powerful! Anyways, off track, as usual lol. As I shared, I told this girl about the things that I struggle with and I began to realize that even though they are small scale temptations, insecurities, and flaws in comparison to some peoples, they are real and have a darkness behind them that is powerful enough to let them blow up and grow into much bigger problems. The "darkness" I speak of is Satan. Now call me radical, but the Bible says this is what is true and real, and I know that because of Satan's power, our world struggles with the things we do, because we are not filled with the holy spirit. Because we are not filled, there's room for the devil to come in and take advantage of what is not his. We are created and made as humans to crave something that makes us feel complete, and literally NOTHING (sorry folks, there's no pass or exception here), than Jesus. I've yet to meet a non-believer who can lay down at the end of the day, and feel fully complete/content, and if they can, they're being filled with temporary stuff that is deceiving and seems satisfying. Satan is the second most powerful thing in this world behind Jesus and it's a scary place to be if you are buying into the lies that he puts in your head and the things that seem fulfilling. 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." Likewise, John 10:10 says about the same thing basically repeated, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." <--- this is real stuff yall! like what? I never thought about it like that, but the devil is constantly on a mission to find holes in our lives, and fill them with things of the world, so that he can creep in and devour our identities and self worth. 

As for me, I compare my relationship with the Lord to others, and feel like I am not as holy or perfect as other Christians seem to be. I also struggle with feeling like I don't deserve good, wholesome, Christ-like friends because I feel like I am again, not as holy or close with God as the people I am surrounded by in church and christian organizations. As mentioned earlier, perfectionism easily creeps in and I try and be flawless in every way, shape, and form I can be and sometimes obsess over dumb stuff that really shouldn't matter. Why do I think/do this? Because Satan is a mastermind manipulator and knows that if he can't get me to make big mistakes physically or with a substance or whatever the case may be, he's going to find the SMALLEST of small things and make me second guess my self and my worth and try his hardest to lead me astray from Christ and pull me onto a road of destruction. The bible also says, "You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44. Straight up YIKES. Not only is Satan trying to come after us and deceive us, but we operate as sinners and our destiny as humans is to have the same desires as the things he is trying to tempt us with? We live in a world FULL of darkness with temptations all around us that we are inevitable to find pleasure in? What the H!!!

Here we face the decision of whether we give into the ways of the world and go down a destructive, broken, and hurtful path that is a convenience to us OR we decide to live a life of freedom and peace in Christ. In 2 Corinthians 4:4 it says, "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." The "god of this world" (which is Satan) WILL blind us and use his power to keep shades over our eyes so we don't ever see the light. This is where many people become held captive, and lose hope for there being a higher being that gives eternal life, peace, and joy like Jesus does. Deep down, somewhere in our soul, we know that we are from God, we just lie in a world of lies that covers our eyes from seeing that truth. If/when the time comes that we decide to surrender our life to God and accept him into our hearts, it is our job as believers to preach the gospel to ourselves each day by praying, reading the word, and surrounding ourselves with a core group of believers to be our community. It's not easy being a christian and if anything, we are more so attacked when we follow God because that ticks Satan off and he wants to get us to stray away from God even more! I have to wake up each day with the mindset that, "today I am choosing to follow Jesus and I am not going to let Satan in." That sounds ridiculous, but there is SO much darkness everywhere - even in the places you'd think you'd be the safest from it. It's a self proclamation and daily decision to choose whether or not you will give into the temptations and thoughts that Satan is going to tempt you with. Ephesians 4:27 says, "Give no opportunities to the devil." BOOM. Das right. Wake up knowing that God is more powerful and that Satan won't have way in you because there's no room for him in something that Jesus has already taken over and filled. Someone once told me one of the best places to be is to feel like Satan is trying to tempt you with sin, because that's when you know the holy spirit is in you and you feel convicted in your heart to be thinking/doing sinful things. The dangerous scary place to be is not feeling like Satan is out to get you at all. At that point i'd say he's probably already got hold of you and you are living in the midst of consistent sin whether you know it or not. Pray each day and ask God to further your walk with him, keep your eyes on Jesus, and don't let the insecurities, self doubt, thoughts of unworthiness, temptation of doing stuff with guys, misuse of alcohol, drugs, and ANY sins of this world come in between you and the Lord. It's hard and not nearly as convenient as doing what everyone else is doing, but it IS worthwhile and you DO have a beautiful purpose and story written for you by the one who literally created everything. (okay, like even if you don't believe in God, the thought the person who created everything in existence has a story written about your life and all the things you will face and achieve is super cool). It is up to us to take hold of the life God has given us, and fulfill the things he has laid out for us as a believers!! You have so many gifts, peace, joy, and grace coming your way! BLESS UP BROTHAS AND SISTAS!!!!!!!!!!!!


God's will

Hello friends!!! I don't exactly know how to start this one, so I am just going to jump right in! 

DISCLAIMER: I am not writing this to brag about how great my life is and make it seem perfect, but I am here to brag to you about how great my God is, so lets kick it!!!!

As most of you may know, I transferred schools at the beginning of this semester. I wasn't exactly sure why, or what the plan was for me, but as I mentioned in my first blog post, I trusted my gut, moved to a different state, and began my new journey! I'd always heard of people picking up their things from one place and leaving/starting over in another, but never EVER in a bajillion years would I had thought that was going to be me. SIDE NOTE: I don't want any of this to be repetitive or me to seem as if I am running in circles with my most recent experiences, but I have learned so much and have been so compelled to write about this! Anywhooooo, I lived in the same place my entire childhood and it was not until college that I moved away from home. Being 5 hours away seemed far enough, but for whatever reason, I felt EXTREMELY moved to leave and move 10 hours away! I had no clue what to expect, the only thing I could do was trust that God was in control and that he was the one behind all of it. I knew one girl who was older than me from my hometown who came to the U of A, but besides that, I knew not a soul! My Mom and Dad brought me to Fayetteville and helped me move into my one bedroom apartment over Christmas break. <--- when I tell people I live by myself they seem concerned, feel bad for me, and assume I must be extremely lonely, but trust me, living by yourself can be one of the biggest blessings!! By the grace of God, as soon as I moved in, even when I didn't hangout with anybody or hadn't met anyone, I felt the most at peace and at home i'd ever felt in my life. I didn't feel like this because I am just a BO$$ at hangin with myself or am an extreme introvert (I'd say i'm the opposite), I felt like this because God had his arms wrapped around me and I knew he wasn't going to let me go! I had prayed that God would show me why I had been led here and I also prayed for some other small things too. 

BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!! I began school and it was literally as if the floodgates of heaven had been opened. I was immediately welcomed, surrounded, and loved on by other believers (this had been one of my biggest prayers). I had really struggled for a while to find more than a few friends who had the same morals as me, even while going to a private christian university. But here, it was so different. I had so many sweet people reach out to me every day and make me feel so cherished and appreciated. That was just the first round of God sent moments I have had thus far. I was soon presented the opportunity of becoming a K LIFE leader and be affiliated with my sorority (go Phi Mu!!) I was in at TCU. God's grace is incredible, and each day, even in the smallest of things, I am constantly reminded how great our God is and why he has moved me into a different chapter. 

I am a firm believer in the idea that when you go somewhere and get out of town, it gives you a different perspective on your life. Every time I have traveled out of state for more than a few days, I end up coming home and changing a piece of myself (this doesn't mean drastically every time, but little things too). Something is always revealed because I have time to process things and look in on my life from the outside. I believe this is EXACTLY what God is doing right now. He picked me up from a place where I was floundering, and planted me in a place where he knew I could be rooted and grow. It wasn't until I got to Arkansas that it truly became evident how crazy awesome God is and how powerful his love can be if we pursue him. I didn't realize it, but I was in a stagnant state in my walk with God and was truly lost. I was so unfulfilled with everything and was in a cycle of constantly feeling defeated and deprived. The beauty of this is I am now so aware & Jesus is seriously showin offffff!!!! Through God's grace I now feel more loved, transformed, and content than I even knew was possible, and THAT, my friends, is what happens when you trust in God's plan for your life. My life is no where near perfect, nor it will be due to the sinful world we live in, but with me allowing God to be in charge, it's a heck of a lot better than if I was trying to sail my boat. (I also don't even know how to sail a boat, so no wonder it's better ;) I hope & pray that reading my story will encourage you to trust in God & let him show you how amazing the plan he has written for you truly is!!!! 

xoxo kailey

Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7


Trust the Gut!!


Soooo to kick off my very first blog post, I thought I would share some insight as to what I am doing with my life and why I am here, doin what I'm doin. Here ya have it, the behind the scenes and reality of THE Kailey Jackson's life ... (like I said, it's fun pretending I have a billion fans reading this post about me ..HA) 

At the beginning of this year I was living in Fort Worth, Texas going to Texas Christian University (still a frog at heart). For those of you who do not know, TCU is a private liberal school of about 10,000 students located in one of the cutest, most interesting, and entertaining places you will visit. I loved basically every moment I had at school. The academics were of course difficult, but the professors were amazing, and you could not beat the class sizes! (My biggest class was 30 people first semester). Here I began my studies in interior design, joined the sorority Phi Mu, and met a handful of the most incredible, loving people I have ever met!! 

Going into college, I had NO clue how much my opinions about basically everything would change. Getting into Texas Christian was such a blessing, and as cliche as it sounds, I am a firm believer that we are placed in areas temporarily sometimes, just so we can have our eyes opened to certain things we would have otherwise never been aware of. Being thrown into college, away from my small hometown, and loving/influential parents, pulled me in a billion different directions, tested my faith, and really made me question who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. SIDE NOTE: This may sound EXTREMELY dramatic, but most college students can testify that nearly everything you are taught to not do while living at home, quickly becomes a social norm and is not judged in anyway whatsoever. That kinda freedom sounds pretty nice, right? In some ways it is, in some ways you really have to watch yourself and be sure you keep yourself rooted. For me, this was all overwhelming, fast paced, and confusing at first, but I eventually realized a lot, not only about my surroundings, but where my heart was and what I was longing for.

I realized how important my faith is, what it means to have true friends, how to nurture my creativity, my passion for seeing the world, and money management <--- shocker am I right. Towards the end of the semester I began to get this gut feeling about things. Something did not seem quite right. My emotions and stress built up, and one day while on the phone with my mom talking about the quality of my college experience I was getting, my education, finances, and some other random things, I got mad and spouted off "I am transferring and going to the University Arkansas!" Um what? What is Arkansas? I literally don't even know where that came from. I was heated and it popped into my mind and it flew out of my mouth. After that, the conversation was basically over. I tend to say outrageous things when I get overwhelmed so this was taken very lightly. (Keep in mind I only applied to Baylor and TCU and  stubbornly refused to look at public schools when applying for college, so anything public was completely off my radar and very foreign to me). After our talk, I was curious to see why my mind had led me to say Arkansas, so I looked up the University and did a little research about the interior architecture program... to my surprise it was very impressive and offered a very prestigious education for design. From that point I told myself I would keep an open mind about things and decided to take a trip to Fayetteville just to check it out. I honestly loved it. I was very surprised to see how much I liked it, I felt so at home there. 

After some truly God-Sent moments I was confident in moving forward with potentially going to school there. I applied as a transfer student, got accepted, received a crazy scholarship, and confirmed my admission all within about a week. What a whirlwind lemme tell ya!!! There have already been so many opportunities presented to me that I do not think I would had ever had in Fort Worth (as much as I love my frog fam). So here I am, about to transfer into a University 10 hours from home, knowing barely anyone, nervous/excited, but most importantly, trusting that there is a special plan for me. Although I am super bummed I am leaving all of my best friends, I stand firm knowing that if it weren't for me having trusted my instinct to adventure somewhere else, I would had never had this opportunity and these doors open for me. There are so many things laid out for me and I am truly excited for what the future holds! So cheers to new adventures and trusting your gut!!!

xx Kailey