Friends!!! Hi!!! So first off, I want to address to you that this section of my blog has slowly emerged into stories about my walk with Jesus and thoughts on faith. As my faith grows, I realize how heavily my heart is set towards certain things and I get excited to share those things with others! I stand firm in my belief in Christ, and I don't want this portion of my blog to be found as preachy, especially because I am so aware that I am a sinner and no where near perfect. In fact, everything that I put on here, is stuff that I have to preach to myself each day. My goal is for anyone who reads this to feel inspired, connected, and know that whether you believe in the Lord or not, you are so loved and accepted, and that there is a life full of eternal, fulfilling, and everlasting love out there waiting for you!
Recently, I have found myself falling short of seeing my worth and how Christ would want me to view myself. I have always been a pretty confident person, but lately I find myself comparing myself to others and feeling less than, in literally the smallest of things, it's actually ridiculous and 100% unnecessary thinking! I am absolutely a perfectionist, and so trying super hard to be the best at everything I can be good at is no question for me. I tend to do just about everything with full force and often run myself down because I want to squeeze everything in, and make sure I don't miss out on any opportunity. Wellllllll, this is a great trait to have... BUT, with our good traits as people, we have a cruel, manipulating, devil that will do anything he can to get us to a point of weakness and use our best qualities (and not so best) to find a way to sneak in and take advantage. Say wha? Okay ya, tbh I type stuff out and I read it back sometimes and i'm like, what on the planet does that mean? Um yea, so sorry if that's confusing, but I hope ya get the point.
As people, we are sinners. We all have mistakes, insecurities, convictions, dishonesty, and the list could go on and on about the flaws each of us have. We struggle with things, sometimes big stuff, sometimes tiny stuff. It's all there, in each person. As girls, we constantly seem to compare ourselves to others and always want something we don't have. We are jealous when people have cool stuff, take vacations to crazy places, have a lot of friends, get into a better college, have boyfriends while we are single, and the list could go on and on with the things we are jealous of too. Now why is this relevant one may I ask? Welp, I am here to lay down da TROOF that the bible speaks about all of this junk!
I grabbed coffee with a girl the other day from my church and we shared some stuff about ourselves and as I began to share, hearing myself speak out loud, I started to realize a lot about myself. In comparison to first semester, the stuff I struggle with now is much smaller thanks to Christ. I officially started walking VERY intently with God this New Year (2017) - HALLAAAA. (I grew up in the church, but didn't truly have a relationship with Christ...that's a whole different story though, ya dig?) Before around new years and the beginning of this semester, I was lost, really questioned what was right and wrong and what was morally okay, and overall if the truth of Jesus and being a Christian was really as life giving and freeing as people in the church say it is. This is something I could talk about for ever, because life transformation is SO real and God is SO stinkin' powerful! Anyways, off track, as usual lol. As I shared, I told this girl about the things that I struggle with and I began to realize that even though they are small scale temptations, insecurities, and flaws in comparison to some peoples, they are real and have a darkness behind them that is powerful enough to let them blow up and grow into much bigger problems. The "darkness" I speak of is Satan. Now call me radical, but the Bible says this is what is true and real, and I know that because of Satan's power, our world struggles with the things we do, because we are not filled with the holy spirit. Because we are not filled, there's room for the devil to come in and take advantage of what is not his. We are created and made as humans to crave something that makes us feel complete, and literally NOTHING (sorry folks, there's no pass or exception here), than Jesus. I've yet to meet a non-believer who can lay down at the end of the day, and feel fully complete/content, and if they can, they're being filled with temporary stuff that is deceiving and seems satisfying. Satan is the second most powerful thing in this world behind Jesus and it's a scary place to be if you are buying into the lies that he puts in your head and the things that seem fulfilling. 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." Likewise, John 10:10 says about the same thing basically repeated, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." <--- this is real stuff yall! like what? I never thought about it like that, but the devil is constantly on a mission to find holes in our lives, and fill them with things of the world, so that he can creep in and devour our identities and self worth.
As for me, I compare my relationship with the Lord to others, and feel like I am not as holy or perfect as other Christians seem to be. I also struggle with feeling like I don't deserve good, wholesome, Christ-like friends because I feel like I am again, not as holy or close with God as the people I am surrounded by in church and christian organizations. As mentioned earlier, perfectionism easily creeps in and I try and be flawless in every way, shape, and form I can be and sometimes obsess over dumb stuff that really shouldn't matter. Why do I think/do this? Because Satan is a mastermind manipulator and knows that if he can't get me to make big mistakes physically or with a substance or whatever the case may be, he's going to find the SMALLEST of small things and make me second guess my self and my worth and try his hardest to lead me astray from Christ and pull me onto a road of destruction. The bible also says, "You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44. Straight up YIKES. Not only is Satan trying to come after us and deceive us, but we operate as sinners and our destiny as humans is to have the same desires as the things he is trying to tempt us with? We live in a world FULL of darkness with temptations all around us that we are inevitable to find pleasure in? What the H!!!
Here we face the decision of whether we give into the ways of the world and go down a destructive, broken, and hurtful path that is a convenience to us OR we decide to live a life of freedom and peace in Christ. In 2 Corinthians 4:4 it says, "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." The "god of this world" (which is Satan) WILL blind us and use his power to keep shades over our eyes so we don't ever see the light. This is where many people become held captive, and lose hope for there being a higher being that gives eternal life, peace, and joy like Jesus does. Deep down, somewhere in our soul, we know that we are from God, we just lie in a world of lies that covers our eyes from seeing that truth. If/when the time comes that we decide to surrender our life to God and accept him into our hearts, it is our job as believers to preach the gospel to ourselves each day by praying, reading the word, and surrounding ourselves with a core group of believers to be our community. It's not easy being a christian and if anything, we are more so attacked when we follow God because that ticks Satan off and he wants to get us to stray away from God even more! I have to wake up each day with the mindset that, "today I am choosing to follow Jesus and I am not going to let Satan in." That sounds ridiculous, but there is SO much darkness everywhere - even in the places you'd think you'd be the safest from it. It's a self proclamation and daily decision to choose whether or not you will give into the temptations and thoughts that Satan is going to tempt you with. Ephesians 4:27 says, "Give no opportunities to the devil." BOOM. Das right. Wake up knowing that God is more powerful and that Satan won't have way in you because there's no room for him in something that Jesus has already taken over and filled. Someone once told me one of the best places to be is to feel like Satan is trying to tempt you with sin, because that's when you know the holy spirit is in you and you feel convicted in your heart to be thinking/doing sinful things. The dangerous scary place to be is not feeling like Satan is out to get you at all. At that point i'd say he's probably already got hold of you and you are living in the midst of consistent sin whether you know it or not. Pray each day and ask God to further your walk with him, keep your eyes on Jesus, and don't let the insecurities, self doubt, thoughts of unworthiness, temptation of doing stuff with guys, misuse of alcohol, drugs, and ANY sins of this world come in between you and the Lord. It's hard and not nearly as convenient as doing what everyone else is doing, but it IS worthwhile and you DO have a beautiful purpose and story written for you by the one who literally created everything. (okay, like even if you don't believe in God, the thought the person who created everything in existence has a story written about your life and all the things you will face and achieve is super cool). It is up to us to take hold of the life God has given us, and fulfill the things he has laid out for us as a believers!! You have so many gifts, peace, joy, and grace coming your way! BLESS UP BROTHAS AND SISTAS!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxo